Premarital Advice

A friend of mine recently just asked me if I had any advice for her about getting married (she’s engaged to be married very shortly). I’m not sure she was looking for such an earful, but I couldn’t help but go there. I’d really love to hear what everyone’s thoughts are on it.

“Amber and I have been married since December 31st, 2005. It’s great right now (and will probably forever be), but it wasn’t always great. It can be tough. Real tough. It’s tough while your selfish love turns into selfless love. Eventually, you learn to love your spouse’s soul, instead of just loving your spouse’s looks or personality. Eventually, those will change and fail you.

It’s also important to note that you will become much more like your spouse and your spouse will become much more like you. It’s even possible that you may sort of swap roles with each other (my wife and I did so in many ways).

Keep in mind that the minor things that irritate you about your spouse’s personality will become full-blown issues in marriage. When money and children are involved, every little minor issue becomes a major issue. Just prepare yourself to learn to accept these things about your spouse, because otherwise you’ll be in quite a bind. You need to love everything about your spouse, even the little tiny things that drive you crazy. You’ll be experiencing those little tiny things for the rest of your life, so you better at least not be irritated by them.

Marriage is wonderful; it’s every bit as awesome as anyone has ever thought it could be. But, take a step back and realize what you’re giving up, and have your spouse do the same. Make sure you’ve had discussions on practical topics like money management, raising children, and so on. If there are any conflicts take them very seriously. Leave nothing off-limits, and come up with a plan to resolve any possible issues.

Finally, ask yourself if you would still love your spouse if they got into a car accident and were suddenly made to be hideous and could not move or speak.

Then, I think you’re good and ready for your first year of marriage.”

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2 Responses to Premarital Advice

  1. Amber Carr says:

    Men like to know they’re appreciated… women like to know they’re still beautiful.  Communication, openesss, and honesty is key.

  2. Jason Carr says:

    Lol…yeah…I took a very gender-generic approach.  It’s definitely a little bit different between men and women. ;)

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